Adventures In Bad Parenting- the summer handbook

I am stuck in the house with 3 cats, 2 kids, 1 husband & 1 dog for the duration of summer vacation. Things get hairy. Fast. Here is a handy guide to what mom says versus what mom means.

Okay, honey. = I swear to God if you say that one more time I will
super glue your lips shut

Not right now = I'm gonna hold off on that and hope you forget

Maybe later = never, ever, ever

Are you hungry? = You better get your asses down here 'cause I have
a 15 minute window for fixing lunch today and if you miss it? It's a loooong time til dinner, buckaroos

Do you guys want hot dogs for lunch? = Upton Sinclair doesn't live here, you're having hot dogs for luch. Deal.

What's the problem? = Shut up, shut up, shut up

Why don't you guys go upstairs? = Murder imminent

What's your dad doing? = Cause I have reached my daily allowance of
parental responsibility and it's his turn.Otherwise I'm going to start passing out matches for you to play with

Go ask your father = The level of my disinterest cannot be measured
with the tools currenty available.

It's time for baths= you guys smell like feet. Corpse feet. Plus I
cant remember how long its been since you were in water that wasn't chlorinated

Guys? Keep it down = if I miss the part where Maury tells the 4th
guy tested he's not the father there WILL be beatings

Hope it helps. Enjoy your summer!