Adventures in (Bad) Parenting- Wiki entry

6 seconds: The time it takes to go from a deep sleep to processing the words "Mommy, I threw up*" and how that relates to you.

*"Mommy, I threw up" does NOT mean 'Mommy I woke up feeling very nauseous and I have vomited into the toilet and now I need comforting and maybe some Emetrol'. It means 'Mommy there is a debris field of chunks extending from my bed to the door and I didn't even LEAN TOWARD the bathroom and it smells like mint french fries'.

30 seconds: The amount of time spent contemplating throttling your child when you ask him 'Honey, did you eat anything weird today?' and he answers 'You mean yesterday. It's after midnight'.

1 minute 30 seconds: The amount of time it takes to get downstairs, throw the offending laundry in the machine, grab the Carpet Fresh & the room spray & get back upstairs

7 minutes: Total duration of post-midnight puke trauma

1 hour, 23 minutes: The time spent trying to get back to sleep and convincing your stomach to NOT. EVEN. START

0 seconds: The amount of time it takes the puker to get back to sleep in the mint french fry/Carpet Fresh/room spray funk