Connor comes to me with his book of Life Savers (which I'm pretty sure you're federally required to get for Christmas when you're a kid) and asks me to open it for him. I didn't mind him having a roll but didn't want him to go nuts and have to peel him off the ceiling. This is your brain on Butter Rum Life Savers. Any questions?
I carefully explain to Connor the drawbacks of eating a lot of candy at once. One of those drawbacks being constipation. I told him his poop would back up & his stomach would hurt & when he finally was able to go to the bathroom, well.. let's just say the words "doody brick" were used.
Connor gets this horrified look on his face and starts backing away from me yelling "I DON'T WANT IT!". He's completely freaked out, he wont go NEAR the Life Savers now, he won't even let his brother eat any. We had to dispose of all the Life Savers in the house like they were hazardous material.
Also, just to put a fine point on it, everything he's eaten tonight he clears it with the Digestability Review Board (me) first. 'Will this come out in my poo?' 'Will THIS?' etc...So I've scarred him for life. It had to happen sometime & there's worse things to have a life long aversion to. Plus it gives me an idea for a birthday present. Do they make Hazmat suits in 5T?
Oh yeah, I'm writing for Gawker now
14 years ago
No comments:
Post a Comment